We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex,
a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to tips@bustle.com. Now, onto today’s topic: how men can be better sexual partners to women.
Q: This is a rather general question, but I was wondering if you could write about how men can be good sexual partners for women. I have had several relationships end because the guy didn’t seem like he could be a partner in creating a healthy sex life. I know I’m not going to be sexually compatible with every guy I meet, but it seems like so many guys out there are selfish or disrespectful when it comes to sex.
A: Thanks for your question! I love talking about the nitty-gritty, but I welcome the opportunity to talk about larger topics, too. I’m all about creating a more sex-positive world, and it’s important to talk about how we can all contribute to that. Of course, I have to give the caveat that not all men approach sex the same way. That being said, there are some broad patterns I have noticed in my work with men and straight couples.
Here are eight ways for men to be truly amazing in the sack.
1. Educate Yourself
Books are an easy way to jump-start your own sex ed. The Big Bang by Nerve is a great entry-level primer to all things sex. She Comes First by Ian Kerner is an incredible book about refining your oral sex technique. Check out some books about sex positions or female orgasm. These are all fun topics to brush up on, so this shouldn’t ever feel like a chore!